Our online fear
mongers preparation guide to the Mayan Apocalypse
Eat a hardy
breakfast. You don’t want the world to end on an empty stomach.
Set up automatic
updates for all your social media platforms. Sources suggest that while we may
be completely annihilated, cockroaches and Facebook will survive unscathed.
Make sure you
don’t pay extra for overnight shipping AND make sure your shipments don’t
require a signature.
Make sure your
fallout shelter is lava proof.
Wear all natural
fiber clothing that is wind proof, melt proof and well-ventilated. Please note, polyester
is not considered appropriate EOW* attire.
*End of the World
Create an apocalyptic playlist. Our Doomsday Groove recommendations include:
Premonition (Credence Clearwater Revival)
It's the End of the World as We Know it (R.E.M.)
In The End (Beatles)
In The End (Beatles)
Gimme Shelter (Rolling Stones)
Step on through
to the other side (Doors)
Apocalypse Please (Muse)
Stuck in Lodi (Credence Clearwater Revival)
Stuck in Lodi (Credence Clearwater Revival)
Ponder the following question: does this guide contain Mayan code that might provide the key to survival? If it does, you have limited time to figure it out…so you best get cracking.
And most
importantly, don’t believe everything you read.
Bonus synonyms
to describe the apocalypse on December 22, 2012—
balderdash, flim flam, garbage, pifflery, nonsense, feces, poppycock, crazy.
balderdash, flim flam, garbage, pifflery, nonsense, feces, poppycock, crazy.
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