Apocalyptic Advice from The Imagineering Company:

Our online fear mongers preparation guide to the Mayan Apocalypse

Eat a hardy breakfast. You don’t want the world to end on an empty stomach.

Set up automatic updates for all your social media platforms. Sources suggest that while we may be completely annihilated, cockroaches and Facebook will survive unscathed.

Make sure you don’t pay extra for overnight shipping AND make sure your shipments don’t require a signature.

Make sure your fallout shelter is lava proof.

Wear all natural fiber clothing that is wind proof, melt proof and well-ventilated. Please note, polyester is not considered appropriate EOW* attire. 

*End of the World

Create an apocalyptic playlist. Our Doomsday Groove recommendations include:

Premonition (Credence Clearwater Revival)

It's the End of the World as We Know it (R.E.M.)
In The End (Beatles)

Gimme Shelter (Rolling Stones)

Step on through to the other side (Doors)

Apocalypse Please (Muse)
Stuck in Lodi (Credence Clearwater Revival)

Ponder the following question: does this guide contain Mayan code that might provide the key to survival?  If it does, you have limited time to figure it out…so you best get cracking.  

And most importantly, don’t believe everything you read.

Bonus synonyms to describe the apocalypse on December 22, 2012—
balderdash, flim flam, garbage, pifflery, nonsense, feces, poppycock, crazy.

Live Super Delayed Blogging from my Desk on Thanksgiving

 

8:00 a.m. Woke up with phone in hand...realized I had been sleep Twittering again. 

8:01 a.m. Saw the McScarriest balloon at the Macy's Day Parade. 

8:13 a.m. Was unexpectedly consumed with a desire for fried foods. Texted my fried food therapist for help.

8:14 a.m. Played a game of Which Pilgrim Are You Most Like.

8:20 a.m. Miles Standish….duh.

9:00 a.m. Wondered if I ate faux turkey would I fall into a faux tryptophan coma?

9:05 a.m. Learned that other foods reported to have soporific powers include pork, soybeans and Parmesan. Who knew?

9:28 a.m. Wondered if the average turducken suffers from an identity crisis.

9:48 p.m. Surfed the web for Black Friday Thursday deals.

10:32 a.m. Started reading my Fiscal Cliff Notes. Fell off my chair.

10:58 a.m. Bought a pen that claims it has enough ink to write for 5 miles.

11:01 a.m. Wrote a treatment for an off color politically incorrect meta reality sit com set in East LA called Ho Hos and Ding Dongs.

12:00 p.m. Completed the traditional Thanksgiving 10k food sprint. Tied for third.

12:15 p.m. Calculated the number of calories I consumed less the calories burned composing this blog post.

12:16 p.m. Decided I needed to write faster.