Happy 4/20

In honor of 4/20 we present the TIC Cannibus Challenge.

To prepare simply go to any of San Francisco’s parks (Golden Gate or Dolores recommended) take a few deep breaths and then perform the following tasks:

Write a one-sentence essay using a single word.

Wonder out loud what a 3-D paper cut would feel like. 

Discuss whether or not a 3-D cut is considered a pre–existing condition if you live in a 2-D world.

Debate the nutritional value of Scooby snacks.

Contemplate an entire universe on a grain of sand.  What would it smell like?

Do a paint by irrational numbers masterpiece.

Design a meme park.

List all the possible meanings of life. Now, wonder what they would taste like dipped in chocolate.

Tie-dye your favorite Neru jacket. Then wish you hadn’t.

Last Minute Tax Prep

The Imagineering Company’s Official Guide to Unofficial Write Offs

When preparing your taxes please consider the following:

1. The Standard Verbage Rate allowed for operating your vocabulary for
non-professional reasons is 23 cents per word. For unprofessional reasons the rate is 

24 cents per word.

2. If you borrowed any words during the year you need to report the interest. Please note, you may deduct the first thousand consonants.

3. According to the Paperword Reduction Act Notice, all words that appear on paper will be taxed according to the following calculation— add the number of words on lines 2 and 3 then subtract with the sum of the square of the hypotenuse of lines 4-5. If the resulting word is bigger than place it in column A.

3. Gifts of words are deductible assuming there are no four letter words.

4. If you made a gift of more than 250 words please attach a statement explaining why.

5. Use of foreign language in any domestic correspondence is taxed at 32% or more depending on the country. For more information, contact your verbal representative.

6. The following words cannot be deducted:

curate, hipster, organic, update, arbitrary

7. Emoticons are not considered words and therefore are non-taxable in all states but New Jersey.

8. If you overpaid your verbal taxes you will receive a refund in your voicemail.

9. You cannot deduct the word dependents but you can deduct dependents.

10. Homonyms are automatically deducted from your payroll.

11.The following words are exempt from taxes:

Imagineering, Susan, Julie

April Fool's Word Scramble

Rearrange the letters to form a familiar word. Then string them together to reveal the hidden message.

1. rrosl

2. tubsol

3. yctal

4. oescj

5. fumy

6. fualh

7. uimoshr

8. emliibusp

9. raeps

10. kqusf

Answer key:

1. Sorry 2. but  3. you 4. have 5. been 6. pranked 7. Happy 8. April 9 Fool’s 10. Day

Happy Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day buy the Numbers…

The number of dollars spent on chocolate                                    13.5 billion

The number of dollars spent on jewelry                                             2.66 billion

The number of Necco conversation hearts sold                                   8 billion

The number of dollars spent on flowers                                              880 million

The number of times the word love is used*                                    800 billion

*This number was made up by our in house word statisticians. It is entirely untrue except for when it is not.

Papal Conspiracy Theories

Top theories on why the Pope is stepping down

1.   He wants to start a family

2.   He didn’t get along with his boss

3.   He converted

4.   There were no more growth opportunities

5.   He got a better job offer

6.   Season 4 of Downton Abby

7.   His upcoming role in CSI: Vatican City. Check Hulu for listings.

Lent vs. Lint

Things to give up for Lent

   Religion

   Things to give up for Lint

    Pockets

    

Live Delayed Blogging from my Desk: Second Presidential Inauguration

8:45 a.m. Got up early to prepare for the swearing in of Obama.

8:46 a.m. Wondered which swear words will be used.

8:49 a.m. My iPhone is predicting a patriotic rainstorm

10:42 a.m. Received Obama's first tweet of the day:

10:45  a.m. The POTUS and THE FLOTUS  head to the capital.

10:48 a.m. Learned that the Supremes will be performing along with Beyonce, James Taylor and more.

 11:42 a.m. Spotted politically inspired, gourmet graffiti art...or is it the tomb of the unknown barista?

11:51a.m. Holy sh*t, Obama is about to be sworn in

11:53 a.m.  Celebrated with patriotic sand art (soon to be available in my etsy store)

12:00 p.m. Made a list of all the Presidential balls.

12:01 p.m. Snickered when I re-read the words: Presidential Balls.

12:02 p.m. Decided it was time to stop blogging