Happy Halloween

Did you know that a 49-gram chocolate bar has a carbon footprint of about 169 grams? An interesting and important fact...especially during Halloween. But at The Imagineering Company we are more concerned about a different environmental concern—our verbal footprint. So, we conducted a verbal footprint audit of popular Halloween candies. Here are the results:

Verbal Footprint Audit of Halloween Candy*

Snickers: 2 Vgrams**

Nestles: 13 Vgrams

Hershey’s: 45 Vgrams

Reeses: 3.5 Vgrams

M & Ms: 0 Vgrams

Whatchamacallit: 51 Vgrams

Kit Kat: 2 Vgrams       

Nerds: .1 Vgrams

Mounds: 2.3 Vgrams

*For a more complete list of candy and their associated verbal  footprint please contact the Imagineering Company Audit Department.

 **Vgrams=Verbal footprint measurement. Think of it like word fat. Too much leads to verbal obesity.

Q & A

What is a verbal footprint?

It is a measure of the impact our activities have on the environment, and in particular climate change. It relates to the amount of greenhouse gases produced in our day-to-day lives through talking, texting, tweeting and updating. 



Are candies with a 0 verbal footprint better for the environment?

Yes. Less means more when it comes to your verbal footprint.

How should candies with a high Vi  be disposed?

We suggest disposing of them digestively.

Can I determine the Verbal Footprint on my own?

Doubtful. It’s a very complicated algorithm. We suggest you have one of our licensed auditors help you.

Where can I buy candies with a low verbal footprint?

Wherever you buy verbs...and nouns...mostly the proper ones.

How can I get more information on this important issue?

Please contact us at:

www.imagineeringsf.com

Delayed blogging coverage from my desk on Mariposa St. of the highly anticipated arrival of my iPhone

Friday October 14, 2011

5:03 a.m. Woke up early. Checked my emails. Mostly spam.

5:05 a.m. Checked emails again. OMG I have a shipment notification from Apple. The iPhone is in transit.

5:06 a.m. Pass out from excitement.

7:30 a.m. Wake up again… thanks to the alarm on my embarrassingly old Apple iPhone 3gs that I will sell on Gazelle the minute I get my new phone. Sorry 3gs we had some good moments, but it’s time for you to go. I need a device that can do more than just be a computer, a camera, a music player and oh yeah a phone. I need a personal valet. And I need it NOW.

7:43 a.m. Go to iPhone notification email and click on the button that says track shipment. Uh oh…I get a page that says Apple is updating it’s store with this weird yellow sticky note. Since when does Apple use yellow sticky notes and tacky typefaces….I miss Steve already.

 

7:45 a.m. Paralyzed by panic.  OR is that with panic?

8:45 a.m. Can’t take the pressure. Called my therapist. He put me on hold. Apparently there are lots of other stressed out iPhone users ahead of me.

9:15 a.m. Listened to phone muzak. Heard a classical piano interpretation of Katy Perry’s hit, California Gurls. Hung up feeling acoustically violated.

10:00 a.m. Can’t believe it’s only 10. I guess it's 12:00 somewhere else. 

11:52 a.m. Checked Apple’s share price. Gulp. Wish they would Groupon that stock.

11.55 Hunger pains.

12:01 p.m. Ordered take out using new food app called Seamless. It wasn’t.

12:02 p.m. Lost my appetite watching a show called Chew.

12:12 p.m. Testing…testing. 12…12. Get it. The time. Sorry, getting loopy here.

12:31 p.m. Re-read David Pogue’s article on how great the new iPhone will be… if I could just get it.

1:15 p.m. FED EX man is at the door. False alarm.  I’m waiting for UPS.

1:18 p.m. Drank a Red Bull with vodka to calm my nerves.

1:20 p.m. Now I’m anxious and inebriated.

1:25 p.m Went to the restroom.

I:26 p.m. Suddenly thought, what if the UPS person arrives while I am indisposed?

1:27 p.m No UPS note on door. Pure relief.

1:29 p.m. Address mix up. UPS can’t deliver till Monday. Everything is going dark. I think I’m having a UPS induced Black Brown Out.

2:00 p.m. Called UPS help line. Said I could pick up the phone between 8 and 9 tonite.

2:01-4:14 Worked and stuff.

4:15 p.m. Went for a barefoot run. My first time. And no I don’t have those shoes. I went in my barefeet.

4:17 p.m. Covered about 50 yards before stepping on a rock…ok a pebble. Limped home. 

4:20-7:58 Worked and stuff.

7:59 p.m.  Drove to UPS store. Wow. Looked like a giant protest. Is it Occupy Wall Street? Is it the Tea Party? Is it a hipster flash mob? No, it’s a line of anxious, exhausted people waiting to get their undelivered iPhones.  

9:42 p.m. Got the iPhone. Too exhausted to use it.

Apple iPhone 5 live blogging coverage…live from my desk on Mariposa St.

9:45 a.m Listening to music on mute.  

10:15 a.m. According to live bloggers at the event Tim Cook has taken the stage.  

10:16 a.m. Smart Water bottle has been spotted on the stage raising the question: will Steve Jobs show up. Oh the drama of it all.

10:17a.m. Too anxious to report anything at this time.

10:18 a.m. Water sighting has made me thirsty.

10:30 a.m. Just learned of the hidden omelet station. Wonder if Apple is going into cook wear…get it….cook you know Tim Cook. OK this blogging is really hard.

10:32 a.m. Checking email. Mostly coupons and deals on things I shouldn’t buy but will and then never redeem. I’m such a statistic.

10:45 a.m. Drank a latte with 1% milk and 2 teaspoons of sugar. Surfed Twitter for #insights. Found none.

10:59 a.m. Apple announced iCloud, nano and iTouch updates…still waiting to hear the number 5.

11:11 a.m. Nothing to say…just think it is a really cool time since it is all ones.

11:12 a.m. Refreshed my browser. The market is down.

11:15 a.m. Looked up the word bandersnatch in the dictionary. Considered posting it to my Facebook page. Too lazy.  Read the paper. Just kidding. Read a couple of people who read the paper and then tweet about it. Much faster. I think they call it threading. Maybe not. Maybe I just made that up.

11:30 a.m. Refreshed my browser. Ate some almonds and made a call on my landline. Looked knowingly at my Apple 3G and it looked back at me longingly. Oh the agony of it all.

11:31 a.m. the iPhone 5 4s is announced.

11:32 a.m. Hmm what does the “s” stand for? Substitute. Super. Sounds like Five. Sup? Steve. Or maybe it’s just a subtle suggestion of pluralism. 4s better than 3s? Oh no here I go again trying to overvalue certain consonants. Verbal inflation at it’s most flagrant. And absurd.

11:33 a.m. Maybe the number 5 was not legally available. Naming is tough. Next time, they should call us.

11:34 a.m. Just finished reading the WSJ and NYT blogs reporting that the iPhone 4s will talk to you. Tell you what to do. Sounds passive aggressive. I was hoping it was going to have 8-ball technology so it could answer questions like: Will there ever be an iPhone 5? Answer: We don’t think so

Or Should I sell my Apple stock? Answer: yes, most definitely.

11:45 a.m. OK so it looks like the gig is up. The big iPhone 5 announcement is that there is no iPhone 5. Once again, Apple surprises the world. I’m giddy with excitement. I think. I must get one of whatever it is they announced.

11:47 a.m.  Hmm only 10 minutes till lunch…if only I had an iPhone 4S to tell me where I could find a Greek restaurant in the area.

11:55 a.m. Denied access to Apple’s site.

12:30 p.m. Finally, got onto to Apple’s site.  Forgot why I was there.

12:32 p.m. Denied access to another part of Apple’s site. Feeling rejected.

12:45 p.m.  Live blogging coverage of the event live from my desk is officially over.

12:46 p.m. Preparing for live blogging coverage of live bloggers commenting on the event. No scratch that. Seems better for Twitter. Better yet let’s Instagram that. Stat.