Friday, December 23, 2011

The Secret Santa Initiative


The Imagineering Company is excited to announce its first ever Secret Santa holiday program. Later today, both employees will gather together in the corporate cafeteria for festivities including a tree trimming, a latke toss and of course holiday tweeting.  When asked about the new program Susan Carp said,  “I hope I don’t pick myself because I am no good at keeping secrets.”  On the other hand, Julie Marcus said she didn’t care who she got as long as it wasn’t Susan. To see how the program unfolds check back early and often as there will be live blogging, spontaneous caroling and up to the minute coverage of the gift exchange.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Live Blogging Coverage of 11/11/11 at 11:11 a.m. from my desk


10:45 a.m. Join up with the rest of my ersatz numerologists and palindromists in filling the blogosphere with arcane stories revolving the importance of 11/11/11 11:11 a.m.

10:48 a.m. Receive message on my desktop indicating I have 8% power remaining. If only it had been 11%. That would have been way more insightful.

10:49 a.m. Feeling frantic and almost powerless.

10:50 a.m. Set alarm on iPhone for 11:11a.m. 

10:55 a.m. Check email, voice mail and snail mail. Just kidding about snail mail. But it starts me thinking about the post office. Like what if you posted a post on a post that says post no bills and the post was announcing the closure of post offices. Kind of like a post apocalyptic, post apocryphal story of life post the post office. Decided to stop posting my thoughts.

11:01 a.m. All ones and one zero. Cool.

11:02 a.m. Cranked up my This is Spinal Tap album to 11.

11:05 a.m. Ask myself what does 11/11/11 really mean. Went to the definitive sources— Wikipedia and Siri. Here’s what I learned:

According to Wikipedia, numerologists believe that events linked to the time 11:11 and the date 11/11/11 appear more often than can be explained by chance or coincidence. Others believe it is an auspicious sign and signals a spirit presence. 

According to Siri, the meaning of 11/11/11 is 
<11,1111> Result 561.
Can't argue with that.
11:11 a.m. Alarm signals the moment.

11:12 a.m. Start preparing for celebration at 11:11 p.m. on 11/11/11

Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween


Did you know that a 49-gram chocolate bar has a carbon footprint of about 169 grams? An interesting and important fact...especially during Halloween. But at The Imagineering Company we are more concerned about a different environmental concern—our verbal footprint. So, we conducted a verbal footprint audit of popular Halloween candies. Here are the results:

Verbal Footprint Audit of Halloween Candy*
Snickers: 2 Vgrams**
Nestles: 13 Vgrams
Hershey’s: 45 Vgrams
Reeses: 3.5 Vgrams
M & Ms: 0 Vgrams
Whatchamacallit: 51 Vgrams
Kit Kat: 2 Vgrams       
Nerds: .1 Vgrams
Mounds: 2.3 Vgrams

*For a more complete list of candy and their associated verbal  footprint please contact the Imagineering Company Audit Department.
 **Vgrams=Verbal footprint measurement. Think of it like word fat. Too much leads to verbal obesity.

Q & A
What is a verbal footprint?
It is a measure of the impact our activities have on the environment, and in particular climate change. It relates to the amount of greenhouse gases produced in our day-to-day lives through talking, texting, tweeting and updating. 



Are candies with a 0 verbal footprint better for the environment?
Yes. Less means more when it comes to your verbal footprint.

How should candies with a high Vi  be disposed?
We suggest disposing of them digestively.

Can I determine the Verbal Footprint on my own?
Doubtful. It’s a very complicated algorithm. We suggest you have one of our licensed auditors help you.

Where can I buy candies with a low verbal footprint?
Wherever you buy verbs...and nouns...mostly the proper ones.

How can I get more information on this important issue?
Please contact us at:

Monday, October 17, 2011

Delayed blogging coverage from my desk on Mariposa St. of the highly anticipated arrival of my iPhone




Friday October 14, 2011

5:03 a.m. Woke up early. Checked my emails. Mostly spam.

5:05 a.m. Checked emails again. OMG I have a shipment notification from Apple. The iPhone is in transit.

5:06 a.m. Pass out from excitement.

7:30 a.m. Wake up again… thanks to the alarm on my embarrassingly old Apple iPhone 3gs that I will sell on Gazelle the minute I get my new phone. Sorry 3gs we had some good moments, but it’s time for you to go. I need a device that can do more than just be a computer, a camera, a music player and oh yeah a phone. I need a personal valet. And I need it NOW.

7:43 a.m. Go to iPhone notification email and click on the button that says track shipment. Uh oh…I get a page that says Apple is updating it’s store with this weird yellow sticky note. Since when does Apple use yellow sticky notes and tacky typefaces….I miss Steve already.
 
7:45 a.m. Paralyzed by panic.  OR is that with panic?

8:45 a.m. Can’t take the pressure. Called my therapist. He put me on hold. Apparently there are lots of other stressed out iPhone users ahead of me.

9:15 a.m. Listened to phone muzak. Heard a classical piano interpretation of Katy Perry’s hit, California Gurls. Hung up feeling acoustically violated.

10:00 a.m. Can’t believe it’s only 10. I guess it's 12:00 somewhere else. 

11:52 a.m. Checked Apple’s share price. Gulp. Wish they would Groupon that stock.

11.55 Hunger pains.

12:01 p.m. Ordered take out using new food app called Seamless. It wasn’t.

12:02 p.m. Lost my appetite watching a show called Chew.

12:12 p.m. Testing…testing. 12…12. Get it. The time. Sorry, getting loopy here.

12:31 p.m. Re-read David Pogue’s article on how great the new iPhone will be… if I could just get it.

1:15 p.m. FED EX man is at the door. False alarm.  I’m waiting for UPS.

1:18 p.m. Drank a Red Bull with vodka to calm my nerves.

1:20 p.m. Now I’m anxious and inebriated.

1:25 p.m Went to the restroom.

I:26 p.m. Suddenly thought, what if the UPS person arrives while I am indisposed?

1:27 p.m No UPS note on door. Pure relief.

1:29 p.m. Address mix up. UPS can’t deliver till Monday. Everything is going dark. I think I’m having a UPS induced Black Brown Out.

2:00 p.m. Called UPS help line. Said I could pick up the phone between 8 and 9 tonite.

2:01-4:14 Worked and stuff.

4:15 p.m. Went for a barefoot run. My first time. And no I don’t have those shoes. I went in my barefeet.

4:17 p.m. Covered about 50 yards before stepping on a rock…ok a pebble. Limped home. 

4:20-7:58 Worked and stuff.

7:59 p.m.  Drove to UPS store. Wow. Looked like a giant protest. Is it Occupy Wall Street? Is it the Tea Party? Is it a hipster flash mob? No, it’s a line of anxious, exhausted people waiting to get their undelivered iPhones.  

9:42 p.m. Got the iPhone. Too exhausted to use it.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Apple iPhone 5 live blogging coverage…live from my desk on Mariposa St.


9:45 a.m Listening to music on mute.  

10:15 a.m. According to live bloggers at the event Tim Cook has taken the stage.  

10:16 a.m. Smart Water bottle has been spotted on the stage raising the question: will Steve Jobs show up. Oh the drama of it all.

10:17a.m. Too anxious to report anything at this time.

10:18 a.m. Water sighting has made me thirsty.

10:30 a.m. Just learned of the hidden omelet station. Wonder if Apple is going into cook wear…get it….cook you know Tim Cook. OK this blogging is really hard.

10:32 a.m. Checking email. Mostly coupons and deals on things I shouldn’t buy but will and then never redeem. I’m such a statistic.

10:45 a.m. Drank a latte with 1% milk and 2 teaspoons of sugar. Surfed Twitter for #insights. Found none.

10:59 a.m. Apple announced iCloud, nano and iTouch updates…still waiting to hear the number 5.

11:11 a.m. Nothing to say…just think it is a really cool time since it is all ones.

11:12 a.m. Refreshed my browser. The market is down.

11:15 a.m. Looked up the word bandersnatch in the dictionary. Considered posting it to my Facebook page. Too lazy.  Read the paper. Just kidding. Read a couple of people who read the paper and then tweet about it. Much faster. I think they call it threading. Maybe not. Maybe I just made that up.

11:30 a.m. Refreshed my browser. Ate some almonds and made a call on my landline. Looked knowingly at my Apple 3G and it looked back at me longingly. Oh the agony of it all.

11:31 a.m. the iPhone 5 4s is announced.

11:32 a.m. Hmm what does the “s” stand for? Substitute. Super. Sounds like Five. Sup? Steve. Or maybe it’s just a subtle suggestion of pluralism. 4s better than 3s? Oh no here I go again trying to overvalue certain consonants. Verbal inflation at it’s most flagrant. And absurd.

11:33 a.m. Maybe the number 5 was not legally available. Naming is tough. Next time, they should call us.

11:34 a.m. Just finished reading the WSJ and NYT blogs reporting that the iPhone 4s will talk to you. Tell you what to do. Sounds passive aggressive. I was hoping it was going to have 8-ball technology so it could answer questions like: Will there ever be an iPhone 5? Answer: We don’t think so
Or Should I sell my Apple stock? Answer: yes, most definitely.

11:45 a.m. OK so it looks like the gig is up. The big iPhone 5 announcement is that there is no iPhone 5. Once again, Apple surprises the world. I’m giddy with excitement. I think. I must get one of whatever it is they announced.

11:47 a.m.  Hmm only 10 minutes till lunch…if only I had an iPhone 4S to tell me where I could find a Greek restaurant in the area.

11:55 a.m. Denied access to Apple’s site.

12:30 p.m. Finally, got onto to Apple’s site.  Forgot why I was there.

12:32 p.m. Denied access to another part of Apple’s site. Feeling rejected.

12:45 p.m.  Live blogging coverage of the event live from my desk is officially over.

12:46 p.m. Preparing for live blogging coverage of live bloggers commenting on the event. No scratch that. Seems better for Twitter. Better yet let’s Instagram that. Stat.